the latest

So, as the rules say, here are the random tunes that play on my itunes when i crank it up and shuffle with a note on the significance of each in my life... i sort of wish i could have picked the songs and written about each, but in following the rules i did the random thing. 

1. Lit - My Own Worst Enemy

(oh, the story of my life.  "can we forget about the things i said when i was drunk, i didnt mean to call you that, i cant remember what was said or what you threw at me"  it is all so true, and i am so "my own worst enemy")

2. Something Corprate - Cavanaugh Park

(i have always been the one who "could make fucking up look cool" sitting alone in the dark, getting high, dreaming, "running out of clock" , and some things really never do change do they?  all of the lyrics from this song mean something... especially "there was never any place for someone like me to be totally happy" )

3.  Stevie Nicks - Edge of Seventeen

(i always loved stevie growing up.  i always thought this song was about robbing the cradle, which is funny because i ended up doing just that.  but once i got older i found it was about losing someone.  there will never be a day when i hear this and dont feel the urge to sing it and dance around stevie style)

4.  Stabbing Westward - What Do I Have To Do

(i first heard this song when i was with an ex boyfriend, who i never could make love me. "what do i have to do to make you want me, and if i cant make you want me then tell me what do i have to do" i used to listen to it over and over.  it seems like in every aspect of my life i have always been singing this song on some level... the lyrics are great and i will always love it.  i also listened to alot of vertical horizon back then too, they were good.)

5.  Gravity Kills - Guilty

(i love the scratchy darkness of this song, it even feels like deception or doing something wrong.  i guess i was about 18 when this came out and have loved it ever since.  "i found you out so easliy... i found in you what i found in me" )

6.  Kendall Payne - Scratch

(how many times have i wanted to just start over from scratch?  countless.  this song touches that deep part of me that is scared and just wants to go back. "it's a big girl world now, full of big girl things, and every day i wish i was small" )

7.  Gym Class Heroes - Cupid's Chokehold

(this song makes me happy.  "we've even got a secret handshake" ha!  the song is really depressing but the beat makes me happy and the sarcasm cracks me up)

8.  Tom Petty - Breakdown

(classic.  i love this song.  i love noe venables version of it as well.   "im not afraid of you running away honey, i get the feeling you wont"  it makes me feel like being crazy in love with someone really makes you feel)

9.  Dallas Green - Casey's Song

( "with you on my mind and my heart held in your hands, screaming, break me" this is so simple and beautiful.  god, i feel like this every day and this song will never be un-stuck from my head)

10.  The Radio - Whatever Gets You Through Today

(this song is a great reminder for me, whenever i get down, which sometimes i tend to do... i just have to hold on and get through the day because there is alot to live for.  "god, its not easy but theres alot to keep you holding on forever" )

11.  Radiohead - Creep

(obsession, self loathing, and feelings of not being good enough.  all of these lyrics hit so close to home to me and anyone else who has an eating disorder i am sure.  this song is on repeat in my head all of the time. "i dont care if it hurts, i wanna have control, i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul, i want you to notice, when im not around, youre so fucking special, i wish i was special" )

12.  Evanesence - Going Under

(i love everything from evanescence.  i started listening to them when i was with my ex boyfriend kelcey and they really helped me through some tough times he put me through.  yes, those were some of the toughest times of my entire life and evanescence will always hold a place in my life...  "so go on and scream, scream for me, i wont be broken again" )

13.  Alexisonfire - 44 Caliber Love Letter

( "just remember the first step in forgetting is destroying all of the evidence" this is the first alexisonfire song i ever heard and i have always loved it.  i have alot of anger stored  up inside and love their style and songs like this.)

14.  Iron & Wine - Such Great Heights

(i adore this song.  it makes me think of me and my boyfriend.  "and i have to speculate that god himself did make us into corresponding shapes, like puzzle pieces from the clay" it is very sweet, soft, catchy, and cute)

15.  Taking Back Sunday - There's No "I" In Team

(this song makes me think of my old best friend, kelly.  "soaking in sympathy from friends who never loved you half as much as me" this whole song is great, the whole album is awesome.  i listen to this cd on repeat when i run on the treadmill often because it kicks me in the emotional guts and makes me work out harder)

16.  Anna Nalick - Breathe

( calming, reflective, touching... "noone can find the rewind button boys, so cradle your head in your hands and breathe, just breathe"  i listen to this often, i have to remind myself to breathe so often.)

17.  Slipknot - Duality

(yeah, how did this get in there.  that is randomness for you.  my secret is out.  i have always loved slipknot.  i wont try to convince anyone because most people have their minds made up already, but their lyrics are amazing.  "i push my fingers into my eyes, its the only thing that slowly stops the ache" okay, so i dont literally push my fingers into my eyes, all of the time, usually i run on the treadmill until it hurts and i am numb and this is all that can stop the hurt inside... "tell me the reality is better than the dream, but ive found out the hard way that nothing is what it seems" )

18.  Hawthorne Heights - Ohio Is For Lovers

( "so cut my wrists and black my eyes, so i can fall asleep tonight, or die, because you kill me, you know you do you kill me well" great band, great lyrics, great sound, everything... i just love hawthorne heights.  very hard hitting lyrics for me.)

19.  Sarah McLachlan - Fallen

(i love everything of hers.  she is amazing.  this song is special to me because i remember after leaving a particularly terrible boyfriend i turned on the radio and it was on.  it really touched my heart that day and i felt like i had been given a second chance.  "heaven bent to take my hand and lead me through the fire... truth be told i tried my best but somewhere along the way i got caught up in all the world has to offer, and the cost was so much more than i could bear..."  if i could have only one cd, i think it would have to be the collection of her hits i have. "though ive tried, ive fallen, i have sunk so low, ive messed up, better i should know" )

20.  Nine Inch Nails - Closer

(obsession, violence, raw animal instinct, sex... what more could you want in a song.  "you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings, you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything... help me become somebody else" hardcore rocking.  i love it.)

21.  Everclear - Here We Go Again

(this song makes my day every time i hear it.  it makes me smile.  i cant help but think of when i first met my boyfriend and we hung out in the ghetto sleeping on our friends futon mattress in the living room and hanging out, drinking, doing lots of stuff we shouldnt have been doing, and having a great time.  "there aint no place id rather be, than watching dirty movies, in that nasty room with you, sleeping on that matress in the corner, eating chineese food" )

22.  Paperboy - Ditty

(does anything say old school more than this?  i mean really, who even knows this song?  im not even sure when this song came out, but i remember listening to it with my friends when i was first old enough to drink along with other more hard rap stuff... oh, the memories)

23.  Story Of The Year - Until The Day I Die

( "until the day i die, ill spill my heart for you" what more can you say.  i love the lyrics to this one, but if i wrote all that i love i would just write the whole song out...  it makes me feel like the way i love, totally and completely, no matter what, forever and ever)

24.  Lisa Loeb - Stay (I Missed You)

(losing control, being underestimated, being convinced of things you know arent true, being brainwashed, needing to leave, needing to stay...  this is what this song means to me.  i can apply it to so many levels and so many different times in my life.  i wont go into it, but i do love the song)

25.  Oleander - I Walk Alone

(every word of this song... every single word.  man.  i love it.  "everybody and everything ive known never taught me how to stand up on my own, had to learn it from the one who let me go" )

if the player doesnt load up because buzz seems to be blocking it, just hit launch standalone player and it should pop up and play the songs for you...